Prepare To Be Reviewed

JAWS Unleashed
Majesco Games, Appaloosa Int.

On the surface, this seems like a great concept for a game: you play a 30ft Great White Shark who gets to eat people, attack boats, and cause all sorts of freaking mayhem around Amity Island.

Go a little deeper and you find that this game suffers from a problem all too common in today’s video game titles: Inconsistency. Inconsistency in level difficulty (some are painfully easy, while others are INSANELY DIFFICULT), lame story elements, (you game designers seem to not care in the LEAST about story these days, probably because you DON”T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT STORY WRITING!), bad, oh soooooo bad voice acting*, and the one thing that pisses me off more than anything else in video games today: Not being able to SAVE whenever I want to.

I don’t know when it happened, but at some point in the last few years some genius (errr, retarded moron) in the gaming industry decided it was a good idea to make the gamer jump through a million hoops in order to save his game. In the case of JAWS Unleashed, it’s impossible to save the game while playing a level. Well, not actually impossible, but if you want to save, and don't mind starting back at the beginning of your level, then I guess your a winner here.

This in itself should be reason enough for me to give this game no stars out of five if not for two saving graces. The game contains a HUGE open ocean area that you as the shark are able to explore in free play, plus dozens of “side missions” you are able to partake in.

This is not a terrible game, but it could have been soooooo much better!

Two Stars out of Five

*It’s a shame that developers cheap out so often at this very crucial component of game making. Instead of hiring people that can ACT, and have the ability to do a variety of voices, (like myself for example) they go the cheap and easy route of just getting some choad coder or artist from the office to do the voices. Oh well, I guess they’ll never learn…

Silent Night, Spooky Night

Saturday was the 3rd annual Vki N’ J-grr Halloween Party and for those of you choads who missed out, well you really missed out!

This year’s party rocked all sorts of roll and all the costumes were awesome. I wowed all with my fantastic pirate costume and Vki scared party goers with her spooky Death Jr. outfit complete with glowing scythe.

Films for the night included Nightmare Before X-mas, From Hell, Corpse Bride, and the uber-spooky Ju-on 2.

Drinks flowed and pumpkins were gutted left and right before the festivities came to an end sometime after midnight with a few rounds of Katamari on the PS2.

Hopefully, I’ll have some pics up on Photobucket™ in the next week or so to show those were not there the glory that they missed out on.



Things That Make Me Seeth On My Commute...

Can’t Read Guy

You know this guy, the one that pulls up to a light in the left lane and decides he wants to turn left across traffic even though the sign says: NO LEFT TURNS 15:00 – 18:00.
I hate this guy! And you know you do too.

No Signal Guy

The stupid ASSS who pulls up to a red light, waits for it to turn green, then he pulls slowly forward, not signaling for his left turn. For this guy the punishment should be execution. On the spot. First offence. No fracking mercy.

Last Second Signal Guy

(I know I’ve used the term “guy” for all these fuckwads, but they could just as easily be a girl.)

The guy that drives up to the red light, waits for it to turn green, then puts on his stupid signal light!!!!! MAKE UP YOUR FRACKING MIND IN ADVANCE ASSWIPE OR GET OFF THE FRACKING ROAD!!!!!

That’s all for today, but if I die before we meet again, “remember me as I was: filled with murderous rage!*”

Oh yeah, and to all you J-walking pedestians and pretty much all bicyclists: Wake the fuck up, or stay the fuck home!!

*Homer Simpson

Reviews From The Chesterfield

Ghost in the Shell Directed by Rupert Sanders Based on the manga by Shirow Masamune In the near future, the cyberneticly enhan...