Crouching Tiger/ Drunken Moron

This is for me the “feel good” story of the week, quite possibly the year. Not only does it make me happy on a Monday, (no mean feat) but it also proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Darwin was right.

Some drunken dingle berry chose to break into the Calgary Zoo in the middle of the night and jump into the tiger cage, where a two-year-old Siberian Tiger mauled his arm so badly that it may have to be removed. Awesome.

Which leads me to axe this question: how many tinnies of Lucky Strong do you have to crush to make breaking into the zoo and crawling into the tiger paddock seem like a reasonably good idea? I’m betting eight, give or take one or three.

I mean really, you and a bud are hanging out having a few “pops” and at some point the two of you decide to move the party elsewhere. I’ve been there and done that, it happens, BUT almost (well, always) 100% of the time “elsewhere” ends up being a pub, or someone’s flat somewhere within walking distance. Never, and I mean not even one time did I ever say: “Hey McBain, what say you and I wander on over to the zoo and play pin the tail on the tiger for real.” Nor would I. Personally there is not enough booze on the planet to make that seem like a good idea.

The saddest thing about this story is that the drunken tool who was mauled survived the attack, living to possibly breed and spread his stupidity, and moronisizm (yep, I had to make up a new word for this idiot’s actions) onto the next generation and this my friends is the real tragedy.

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