Flick Review

Directed by JJ Abrams

To quote Monty Burns: “I don’t know much about art, but I know what I hate, and I don’t hate this.” Right off the bat let me say I’ve found JJ. Abrams’ previous work to be mediocre at best, Lost jumped the shark after the second episode, and while I do agree that when an alien monster does eventually rampage through Manhattan, the first images of it will indeed be shot with crappy phone cameras, and shaky digital video, when it came down to it I just didn’t care about the whiney, rich yuppie fucks fleeing the creature in Cloverfield. So even though I’m not one of the rabid fanboys currently drinking the Abrams Kool-Aid, as I was watching the flick I actually realized I was getting caught up in this shiny, new non-Shatner reboot of the Trek franchise.

In the 23rd century, The U.S.S. Kelvin is destroyed by a huge, technologically superior starship, killing George Kirk, but not before he rescues most of the crew, including his newborn son, Jim. Ten or so years later in Iowa, a young James Tiberius Kirk (Jimmy Bennett) is running from the law in his stepfather’s 1967 (clearly a tip of the hat to the first year of the original series) Corvette Stingray. He clearly has no use for the rules that govern society, as he is a total badass, even at this young age. Across the galaxy, on the planet Vulcan, the young Spock (Jacob Kogan) is hazed and abused by his fellow students for his half-Vulcan, half-Human heritage. Another ten years pass and we catch up with Kirk (Chris Pine) and Spock (Zachary Quinto) at Starfleet Academy, and soon the two will find their destines entwined forever. Starfleet graduate and Commander Spock is totally pissed when Kirk “cheats” on the Kobayashi Maru test, but the hearing is cancelled when a distress call is received from Spock's home planet of Vulcan. Though Kirk is not assigned to a vessel, Dr. McCoy uses his position as a ranking medical officer aboard the Federation's flagship U.S.S. Enterprise to sneak his friend on-board. When Kirk learns that the phenomena appearing above Vulcan is the same “lightning storm in space” that preceded the destruction of his father’s starship the Kelvin, he convinces both Captain Pike and Commander Spock that the event may actually be a Romulan Trap. Kirk's instincts are correct, and the Romulan starship, Commanded by a nutcase named Nero (Eric Bana) reveals its true intentions, and a series of events that threatens the existence of the Federation and jeopardizing the destiny of Starfleet's best is thrown into motion.

The performances are for the most part strong, the fan service amusing, (Kirk fucks a green chick, a “red shirt” biting it, etc.) The visual effects are spectacular, and the story is half decent, even if they had to go back to the old “time travel” formula used so often in both the original series and movies.

The blu-ray boasts a ridonkulously beautiful 1080p transfer that just fucking pops. Blacks are inky good, colours vibrant, and detail is astoundingly sharp. The sound is every bit as good, Paramount’s Dolby True-HD sound track will beat your home theatre sound system to a pulp before taking names and doing all over again. The action sequences are stunning, and the dialog is as crisp and clear as you would expect. Defiantly one of the best audio tracks I’ve heard in a long time.

So while I don’t hate this flick, I still wish they could have found a way to get Shatner into the story, and I don’t really buy Abrams’ reason as to why he couldn’t be in it. Canon? Really? He couldn’t be in it because he dies in the future? And since when did trekkies care about continuity anyways? Star Trek continuity changed at the speed of plot if I recall…

Ah well.


It would seem that JJ Abrams succeeded in making a Star Trek flick that is accessible to both fans of the franchise, and non-trekkies alike and for that he should be applauded, and the flick is actually half-decent so I give it 4 sexy green chicks out of 5. The blu-ray extras are a different story altogether and only rate a 3 out of 5, as I really expected a lot more.

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