Beggars Can Be Choosers

It was, about quarter to ten on Good Friday 2K6 and the streets were mostly deserted with the exception of a couple of cutie-pie joggers and three Asian Hotties.

I can feel the coffee sloshing around in my guts as I press on down 11 avenue rehearsing in my head what I’m going to say to the first bum that tries to talk some money out of me.

I’m going to tell him that I’ve already given him money this month through the highest Federal taxes in the free world, but alas no one harasses me today. Yet.

So I decide to head downtown to buy some socks for the upcoming trip to visit me ole pal McBain (aka Lupin) when around 8th avenue and 6th street, this scruffy looking guy grabs my time and attention for a five minute tale of tear-jerkin’ woe which of course ends in the inevitable holding out of the hand and demanding my change.

I must admit his story sounded reasonable, so I reached into me pocket to let him have whatever I might have in my pocket that on this day amounted to a little less than one dollar in mixed change.
To this, the bum snorts: “Yeah, I really need LOONIES and TWONIES.” I tell him it’s all I’ve got and he stomps away as if I just shit in his cereal and told him it was brown sugar.

I suppose beggars CAN be CHOOSERS after all!


Samuel L Jackson's Secret Blog

Snakes on a Plane
Directed by David R. Ellis

I am often heard going on, at length, about what is wrong with Hollywood today: boring faux-historical epics, the gross over-use of CG elements that do nothing to further the story, Spielberg coming this close with War of the Worlds, then having the whiny teenager live in the end. Come on, you all wanted him to die! Admit it!

Anyway, when I first heard about Snakes on a Plane I thought; cheesy schlockfest! I’m in! So Sunday I headed over to the Chinook theatre and with buttery popcorn that cost me, like, $6.75 (and it was a medium, and I couldn’t finish it!), sat down and watched me some motherfucking Snakes on a motherfucking Plane.

I’m glad I did. Now this may be premature of me to say this, but this very well might be Jaeger’s Fave Flick of the Year™.

Do not get me wrong, this flick will win NO OSCARS, and Rex Reid probably thinks it sucks, and walked out of the theatre like the wining fucking baby he is, but make no mistake: this flick Rocks all sorts of Roll.

From the opening scenes, anyone with half a brain can figure out exactly how this flick is going to end, but that doesn’t matter. It’s called Snakes on a Plane, and that is what it delivers: A big-ass, heavy jumbo jet airplane with a shitload of snakes on it going all apeshit (or is it snakeshit?) all over many fleeing, screaming, filthy human worm-babies, and Samuel L. Freaking Jackson kicking ass and taking names.

If you expect Citizen Cane from a flick called Snakes on a Plane, then you are a retard! Or a film student, maybe both.

4 out of 5 stars.

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