Lond Ho Adventures

Lager Quest part 1

Bill was contributing to his ass-print on the huge chesterfield as he sat glued to CNN for the third straight hour as it showed over and over again the latest images from the burning of the Branch Davidian compound. Normally, a little over an hour a day was all the CNN he could manage as his roommate, Hunter, was an avid TV and movie watcher. Avid meaning the fucker watched anything and everything, on his TV and Betamax, whenever he wanted to, no matter the quality. Bill, on the other hand was a self-proclaimed news junkie. He read both local newspapers daily, listened to the all news radio station on a tiny, pocket sized radio while working, and watched CNN every moment he could. Bill had often told Hunter that read and watched the news all the time because he needed to know what was happening on the planet he lived on, even if Hunter chose to go through life oblivious to everything around him.

A commercial break gave Bill the opportunity to get up and hit the fridge for a beer. The last beer. The beer Hunter had slipped into the back of the crisper so he would have something to drink when he got home from work. Bill chuckled, and then snatched it, effectively removing the last edible item from the fridge. He sat back down and popped the top just as images David Koresh’s burning compound once again came upon the TV screen. He took a long draught from the tinnie of Black Label, it was awful, but it was cheap, and money wasn’t exactly falling from the sky like manna from the heavens these days.

The lock clicked, and popped, followed by the dead bolt, the door flew open and Hunter stumbled in. He threw his rucksack on the tan, leather chair and walked straight to the fridge.

Bill took another swig of lager, and smiled an evil smile, knowing what was coming. He pulled his hoodie hood over his head.


Hunter stared at the empty crisper drawer and slammed it shut in disgust. He glanced around the empty fridge to make sure there wasn’t another beer hidden somewhere, perhaps in the butter saver… alas the only thing left in the fridge was an empty jar of mustard, and several packets of McDonald’s ketchup strewn about on top of the egg holder.

Hunter stepped into the living room and spotted Bill sitting on the chesterfield with the tinnie of lager placed precariously on the armrest. Hunter looked at Bill, then down at the can of beer, then back at Bill.

Bill stroked the top of the can, “You want this don’t you?” He said in his best Emperor Palpatine impersonation.

Hunter just stared at him, anger welling in his soul at having no beer with which to slake his thirst after a long, hard day toiling for the Cosmodemonic Security Corporation.

Bill looked up into Hunter’s eyes, and continued, “Take it, drink it down with all of your anger, and your journey to the Drunk Side will have begun!”

Hunter looked down at the can, and then back at Bill, he reached for the can as if trying to will it into his hand with the Force.

“Or,” Bill said, “as I was just paid today, we could just go down to the Booze-a-Rama and pick up more.”

Hunter smiled and nodded as Bill stood up, throwing on a jacket. The boys stepped out the door of apartment 1401, their quest for more lager underway.

Will Bill and Hunter find the beer they’re looking for and precede toward drunkenness? Tune in next week for part 2!!!

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