The horror, the horror...

A week and a day having passed, I find I can finally speak (or write as the case may be) of the horrors of last week's Lilac Festival on 4th street. I have lived in Calgary's Mission/Cliff Bungalow community since 1998 and have been participating in the Lilac Fest in one way or another ever since then, whether it be as an observer, or a participant.

I was forced to move out of the community a year ago when filthy condo developers booted me out of my old flat, and since moving I have witnessed two festivals as a walk in observer. This year is my last, and here's why: TOO MANY FILTHY, HIDEOUS HUMANS.

This year between 12th ave and Elbow Drive where the festival runs, there were more than ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE crammed in not including vendors, more than the last two years combined. And I'm not just saying between noon and one, the regular peak hours for the fest, but from the time Vki and I got there around eleven, to the time we were able to fucking escape the hideous hordes around three in the afternoon. Constantly.

It took an hour to walk five blocks, and there were of course all the jokers with bicycles, and prams and GIANT HORSE-DOGS always in front of me, and always stopping to chat or watch some acrobat, or listen to some band, so that the fifty thousand people behind them have to stop and wait for them to get their asses in gear again and go because it is literally SHOULDER TO FUCKING SHOULDER PEOPLE with no room to move laterally! Madness I tells ya madness!

And I'm not even going to go into the constant screetching of little pink, smelly babies with diapers overflowing gooey baby feces, and children going all puke-a-tronic after eating semi-cooked street meats.

So, that's it for me, it's been fun, but I'm finished. Even the constant flashes of young boobie and belly won't bring me back next year.

"Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded."
-Yogi Bera


Lupin The Great said...

We have a new Art Asset manager at my work. Her desk is really close to mine so we talk a lot during the day. She's from England and has a strong English accent. So far this morning, she has said "Balls" and "Bullocks" half a dozen times. She also just bought a scooter, a mint green one that she rides wearing her pink half helmet. The British are weird.

Lupin The Great said...

This morning I came in and she said "Morning Governor!!". I think I'm sitting near Liza Doolittle.

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